My Educational Journey

February 20, 2025

Celebrating the arrival of my Social Media Marketing certificate

I dropped out of college after my marriage twenty-three years ago. As my children grew, thoughts of finishing my degree would arise but there was always an excuse not to return. I told myself I didn’t have the money, the time, or the energy. Though these were, by turns, legitimate excuses, there was something else underlying them. It was fear. Fear I would be unable to obtain a degree because of my lifelong struggle with math. Math had always been my downfall. I was a child to whom much came easy and put more stock in results than effort. I reasoned that if math was difficult I must be bad at it, full stop. With this mode of thinking I put up a barrier and initiated a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was bad at math. I had no hope of ever passing a college math course and therefore no hope of ever obtaining a degree.

If I had to choose a singular moment that challenged this belief it would be one that occurred during a mental breakdown in 2005; panic disorder induced by a medication interaction. After being in a near-constant state of terror for weeks it seemed to burn itself out and all that was left was anger, but that fueled the fire of determination. I wrote of that moment in a blog entry published in 2018: “At that point, I hadn't driven a car for a month because it induced panic attacks. So, I decided it was time to take a drive. My goal was simple; make it around the block without stopping until I was back in the driveway. Before I even got in the car, I could feel my body reacting. As I backed out of the driveway my legs were shaking badly and hot flashes shot from my head down through my arms. But I started that slow crawl around the block and every time the panic inside yelled at me to pull over, I yelled back, “No!” Pulling back into that driveway without having stopped once is still one of the most victorious moments of my life. I hadn't stopped until I'd decided to. My own body had been fighting against me, but my will had kept me going.”

Though things weren’t instantly resolved with that victory, that experience marked the beginning of exponential positive change within myself. If grit could get me through that then maybe my only limitation in math really was myself.

 In August of 2021, I enrolled in the BYU Pathway program. The initial math review was better than I imagined. This was in part because of how Pathway is structured. There’s a huge emphasis on college-wide capabilities like teamwork and communication. Our Pathway group was like a cheerleading team, with support and kinship that made a huge difference in believing in ourselves. Then, just this last semester, I took Math for the Real World. Though I was approaching this class with a better attitude than ever, the first few weeks had me tear-ridden, overwhelmed, and wavering. I spent far more hours than were called for reading, watching, practicing, and repeating concepts to make sense of them. One moment I was certain I understood something, the next moment that hope was dashed. But I would not give up. The discouragement and tears still came through the course, but so did the understanding. It was hard, painful, and slow but I passed that course with an A. I came away with a new understanding and appreciation for the role math plays in life at large, and a new appreciation for the role determination, persistence, and patience plays in my own. When it comes to my educational goals it now seems the sky is the limit.

I have always loved learning. Over the years I’ve acquired many skills: cake decorating, woodworking, jewelry making, genealogy, crochet, piano, graphic design, video editing, and more. I’ve never lacked motivation or skill, but I have always lacked credentials. I didn’t realize how much that impacted my confidence until I began college again. I already feel so much more confident and capable of obtaining a degree and a good job eventually. At this point in my life, I don’t need to look for work until after I’ve gotten my degree, which allows me to focus on learning and doing the best job I can in my courses. I plan to begin a career after graduation, but what that career will look like is still very much up in the air. I am working toward a degree in Communications, but there are so many areas of focus under that umbrella, and I’m interested in most of them. Choosing where to devote my energies has always been difficult for me. I want to do it all. However, there are a few areas I’ve narrowed my plans down to.

I’ve been involved in social media since its inception and would enjoy managing social media accounts for a business, non-profit, or influencer. I’ve been doing graphic design for many years and would enjoy designing ads, flyers, websites, or helping an organization with its branding. I’ve gotten into video editing with Adobe Premiere Pro and I love taking footage and putting it all together with music and vocals in a way that inspires or motivates others. Perhaps I can find a way to incorporate all these skill sets. I have even considered starting my own business doing freelance work for small businesses. While I don’t have a set plan for after graduation, I do have an idea of where it will be focused and what skills it will require, and I am so ready. I am more confident and more excited than I’ve ever been. Marketing, graphic design, and video editing are my top three choices for what I would like to do after. Maybe I can find a way to utilize all three; running my own business is something to ponder.

Ultimately, whatever I decide to do will be done in the way I always do new things: with enthusiasm, an open mind, and now, more confidence than I’ve ever had before.